KAHWIN DUA

seorang lelaki sedang minum teh tarik di warung sebuah kampung.Terkenal dengan sifat loyar buruknya..seorang makcik sengaja nak mengenakan lelaki ni..

Lelaki : Ha..makcik..sorang jer ker?

Makcik : Takder la..sepuloh orang ikut makcik ni..x nampak ker?

Lelaki : (dlm hti,,aik,,angin la plak)..oo…maaflah makcik..saya ni rabun..

Makcik : haa..lain kali tanya elok2,,

Lelaki : yelah makcik…jom la minum sekali…

Makcik : memang nak minum pun..xkan nak mandi pulak..(gelak dlm hati)..

Lelaki : (diam..mencarik idea)..

Makcik : Dengar citer ko kawin 2…betul ker?

Lelaki : Ha’ah..naper makcik?

Makcik : Amboi…hebat la kau…

Lelaki : Hebat apanya..kahwin memang wajib 2…sorang laki..sorang pompuan..makcik x tau ker? (hambik ko)

Makcik : Aduss…terkena lak aku…(terus diam)

Temubual seorang pemuda dengan pakcik gembala biri-biri.

Pemuda : Baguslah ternakan biri-biri pakcik. Boleh saya tanya beberapa soalan tak?
Pakcik : Boleh aje…
Pemuda : Berapa jauh biri-biri ni berjalan setiap hari?
Pakcik : Yang mana, yang putih atau yang hitam?”
Pemuda : Yang putih.
Pakcik : Kalau yang putih berjalan lebih kurang enam kilometer setiap hari.
Pemuda : Yang hitam?
Pakcik : Yang hitam pun sama…
Pemuda : Berapa banyak plak rumput biri-biri ni makan setiap hari?
Pakcik : Yang mana, yang putih atau yang hitam?
Pemuda : Yang putih?
Pakcik : Ah, yang putih makan lebih kurang empat kilo rumput setiap hari.
Pemuda : Dan yang hitam?
Pakcik : Yang hitam pun sama…
Pemuda : Berapa banyak bulu yang mereka hasilkan setiap tahun?
Pakcik : Yang mana, yang putih atau yang hitam?
Pemuda : Yang putih?
Pakcik : Aaa…yang putih menghasilkan sekitar enam kilo bulu setiap tahun.
Pemuda : Dan yang hitam?
Pakcik : Yang hitam pun sama…
Pemuda : Kenapa pakcik membezakan biri-biri pakcik yg putih dgn yg hitam, padahal jawapan semuanya sama aje?
Pakcik : Mestilah…sebab biri-biri yang putih itu pakcik yang punya.
Pemuda : Ooo, gitu ke…abis tu yang hitam tu sapa punya?
Pakcik : Yang hitam pun sama….

AHBENG the greatest superhero

Fren : Why did u always go for a movie with all of ur 18 friends ?
Ah Beng : Because below 18 not allowed Lah !

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Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Ah Beng : “Do you have color TV ?”
Salesgirl : “Yes !”
Ah Beng : “Give me a green one, please ”

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Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
He supplied the information for the columns on Name,
Age, Address etc.
Then he comes to column on “Salary Expected” He is
not sure of the question.
After much thought, he writes ” Yes ”

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Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears
and he answered, “I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring Lah – but
instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and
stuck it to my ear Lah”
“Oh dear !” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. “But
what happened to the other ear ?”
Ah Beng answered : “That stupid dumbo called back Lah !!!!”

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After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng
always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

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Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms
because he thinks his picture is being taken.
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Why can’t Ah Beng dial 911 ?
Because he can’t find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.

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Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and
was using it.When he encountered some problems.
He decide to use the ‘Help’ command after some
tries. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer
retailer for support.
Ah Beng : “I press the ‘F1’ key for help ah but it’s been over half an
hour & still nobody come and help me Lah ?!”

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Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Ah Beng : “What is that shiny object ?”
Salesgirl : “That is a thermos flask.”
Ah Beng : “What does it do ?”
Salesgirl : “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold”
Ah Beng : “I’ll buy it”
The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask.
Boss : “What is that shiny object ?”
Ah Beng : “It’s a thermos flask.”
Boss : “What does it do ?”
Ah Beng : “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold”
Boss : “What do you have in it !?”
Ah Beng : “Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream”

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Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
Ah Beng : “COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei
AND LAS VEGAS?”
Operator : “JUST A MINUTE…”
Ah Beng : “OK, THANK YOU Lah” AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.

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After completing a jigsaw puzzle he’d been working
on for quite sometime, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle
to a friend.
“It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT”, Ah Beng brags. “FIVE MONTHS ?
THAT’S TOO LONG”, the friend exclaims. “YOU ARE A FOOL.”
Ah Beng replies, “SEE THIS BOX, ITS WRITTEN here 4-7 YRS”.

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At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng’s left
tells the bartender, “JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE”,

and his companion says, “JACK DANIELS, SINGLE”.
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, “AND YOU, SIR ?”
Ah Beng replies : “Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED Lah !!”

Surat tak rasmi ahbeng

Dear Ah Lian,

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.

You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok.
Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.

Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years Annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.

I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye…..

Worm regard,
Ah Beng

Surat Rasmi ahbeng kepada bill gates

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button ‘Start’ but there is no ‘Stop’ button. We request you to check this.

2. One doubt is whether any ‘Re-scooter’ is available in system?

I find only ‘Re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly.

My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ‘find’ button,

but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt ‘Microsoft Word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’,

so when you will provide that?

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard,

but there is only one icon which shows ‘My Computer’:

when you will provide the remaining items?

6.. It is surprising that windows says ‘MY Pictures’ but there is not even a single photo of mine.

So when will you keep my photo in that.

7. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’

since I use the PC at home only.

8. You provided ‘My Recent Documents’. When you will provide ‘My Past Documents’?

9. You provide ‘My Network Places’.

For God sake please do not provide ‘My Secret Places’.

I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

P.S.
Last one to Mr. Bill Gates: Sir, how is it that your name is GATES but you are selling WINDOWS?